How to Practice Self Directed Change
Being kind to yourself is essential, but it’s just the start of strategies for self improvement and change. As I talked about a little in a past blog, self-kindness can sometimes cross the line into laziness. We can allow ourselves grace and patience—but not when it extends to being patient with our own bad habits. While we don’t have to rush ourselves, we do need to be committed to actions that sustain our transformative work.
Let me share an example related to my drive home. I used to take the same, familiar route every day. But lately I have been putting my home address into my GPS and seeing where the navigation takes me. Is this because I need help getting home? No, of course not. It’s because new pathways to the same destination can still reveal to me whole parts of my community that I am unaware of. And, they have!
This is just one small way I work every day to stop myself from getting stuck. Stuck in the same patterns, thinking the same thoughts, seeing the same things. Though I’m using GPS to do it, this is actually an example of me coming off auto-pilot and being intentional about self-transformation. To help others along in my calling as a self-kindness life coach, I want to share this list of ideas for small steps that can help you practice the new way of being that will jump-start your fulfillment.
1. Change What You See
One of the easiest and most invigorating ways to shake up our energy is to make even a small change to our appearance. Have you been parting your hair on the same side for years? Part it on the other side. Do you only wear a certain shirt and pair of pants together? Separate those items and try them on with something new. This doesn’t just inspire you to see yourself differently but can open opportunities for compliments that are focused on different aspects of yourself.
Okay, hold on, hear me out. We all love to be praised for our abilities and strengths, while compliments on our appearance can be seen as shallower or even make us feel uncomfortable. But did you know that studies have shown being complimented only on your abilities can make it more challenging to fail? When we only receive compliments based on our personal strengths and talents, this can limit our self-perception and cause us to define ourselves based on what we are told we are good at. Later, if we fail at something we are routinely complimented on, this can actually impact our motivation to keep at it.
Changing your appearance, on the other hand, is something fully within your control on the most basic level. This means if you receive compliments, you will know they are related to an action you took. And if you don’t receive them, you still tried something new, and might find that you like it without anyone else saying a word. It is your own self-worth and transformation that is the priority, after all!
2. Change What You Taste
Speaking of trying new things, another simple exercise to challenge yourself is to try a new food or drink. Do you order similar things every time you go to a restaurant, or find yourself making the same recipes over and over? This is another way we permit ourselves to get stuck in a rut and call it self-kindness because we are eating something we love.
You don’t have to abandon your old favorites. And when it’s been a long day, sometimes that comfortable meal is what you need. But you can set a challenge to yourself to try a new food or flavor once a week. Maybe you will hate all of them! But at least you will be exploring something new and practicing expanding your horizons. Also, Shape Magazine shared an article detailing many health benefits of trying new foods, including more diverse nutrient intake, better gut health, and yes, improved mood.
If you know you are a picky eater, just trying one bite or one sip is a great place to start. That way you can make informed decisions instead of just saying no to things without justification. This small practice will have surprising ways of expanding more open-mindedness into other areas of your life!
3. Change What You Read
Did you know individuals ages 15-44 only read about 10 minutes per day outside work? Instead of putting pressure on you to read more, I just want you to take a step back and think about what you are reading. For most of us, it might be social media updates from friends, or clickbait articles detailing the latest viral video scandal or series of funny Tweets.
Changing what we read is a powerful way to break out of habits that make us feel tired and stuck. If you need inspiration, one of my favorite things to read is quotes. That’s why I started the What the Quote Podcast!
Not only do quotes reveal different perspectives on life, but they can also make you aware of different writers and thinkers that you might be interested in learning more about. Before you know it, you will be down a whole new type of internet rabbit hole. Or you could set the intention to turn reading into a valuable break from screen time. Magazines, novels, and even reading books with children are all great options to read for as little or as long as you wish.
4. Change the Stories You Tell
This last tip applies to both the stories we tell ourselves and the stories we tell others. Sometimes, they are even the same thing. Here is an example from my life. Recently, I have decided to stop telling myself—and others—that I am bad at math. Has this sometimes been true? Yes. But telling that story over and over was playing a tape in my head that paused me from being able to do things. When we recently moved, I told myself I could do things like taking measurements. Then, I did it. Was it easy? Not right away. But I knew that if I tried I could do it.
The stories we tell ourselves, and tell about ourselves, can be hidden excuses not to grow beyond our comfort zone. Changing the narrative forces us to change our behavior that is excused by the narrative. And that is a powerful catalyst for the next phase of our growth.
I think many people want to change but they aren’t sure how, because they think change must be grandiose and big. Maybe it’s just as simple as parting your hair on the other side or wearing a different tie with your favorite shirt. That can be a start, and a start doesn’t have to be any bigger than that to be valid.
When you begin to act a different way, you can’t go into it thinking you will be perfect. That is why you have to practice new behaviors in small ways on a daily basis. Sometimes you will do amazingly and other times you will not. But remember, even when it’s uncomfortable, you are doing it for you—because you are the only one who can.
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