The Difference Between Self-Care and Self-Kindness
As I worked on completing my 30-Day Self-Kindness Course, I didn’t expect I would go on such a journey of reflection about what self-kindness really is, and how it is different from self-care.
Self-care is not just a buzzword, it’s a $450 billion a year industry. Not only that, but from 2019 t0 2020, the search for self-care related terms on Google went up 250%. This is especially because we have begun to fully appreciate the connection between self-care and wellness. The World Health Organization definition of self-care includes a community’s ability to promote health, prevent disease, and cope with illness or disability.
While all this is essential, it’s also very physical. But what I’ve noticed is a lot of the conversation about self-care also expands into the emotional and mental spaces. This seems natural, but I believe it also creates a misalignment. We believe that physical steps to practice self-care, like resting, eating well, and drinking water, should also somehow alter our emotional and mental states. And while self-care does have the power to elevate those things, I believe truly nurturing our mental and emotional health is when we cross the boundary from self-care into self-kindness.
What is self-kindness? It’s our ability to extend compassion, understanding, and respect to our own experiences. When you perceive that you are suffering, failing, or feeling inadequate, do you allow space for those emotions and experiences? Or do you ignore them? Maybe you even mentally punish yourself for feeling them, especially after physical acts of self-care like a bath or nap don’t correct the deeper issues.
Self-kindness starts with a focus on ME—our Mental and Emotional states. Even when we take physical acts of self-care, if we are only practicing them to rush ourselves through our emotions and avoid a deeper reality, they aren’t going to permanently serve us.
Self-care is a great place to start, but without a combined focus on self-kindness, it won’t heal us the way some in the industry might promise. And the truth is, self-kindness is a lot harder than self-care! It’s not as simple as taking a break, resting, or eating a yummy healthy snack. Making a habit of self-care may be a challenge, but only because it triggers the emotions that stop us from practicing self-kindness; guilt, fear, and self-denial.
Self-kindness takes serious, intentional work of breaking intellectual patterns of self-sabotage, being patient with ourselves as we take one step forward and two steps back, and nurturing small acts of self-compassion.
The great thing about the 30 Days of Self-Kindness course is the activities within encourage us to both care and kindness. Some days, you’re challenged to an act as simple as drinking water. Others, you’re doing deep thought-work about the goals and dreams that are inspiring your growth. While self-care and self-kindness are different, you also can’t have one about the other. Join me in the 30-Day Challenge to start making both a part of your daily practice!
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